To people who have left the faith.

I don't understand you. And likely, you don't understand me either. People can believe whatever they want, and I don't stand in judgement. I know some people who don't have a lot of free will right now. I would not want to be them. Free will is part of what makes us learn and grow and thrive. Waking up every day knowing that you can make your decisions is part of what makes life worthwhile. Your choices could turn out great for you, or you may end up regretting some of them, but either way, you own it, and it's a precious thing.

I did not choose to grow up in a Christian family and hear the beliefs of previous generations. However, at some point in life, I did choose to maintain those beliefs and practices, and take ownership of them. I chose to receive grace through Christ and believe on Him for salvation and all of my other needs.

Some people started off where I did, and then they turned down a different road. They heard, and did not receive, or else they once believed, and then stopped believing. I discussed in my previous entry how a Christian will worry about his/her non-believing friends, and pray for them, and maybe even try to get them to see things their way. This is because the Christian earnestly believes his/her friend is in danger, and wants to help. I called for compassion for these friends of faith in emotional distress!

This entry looks at things from a slightly different angle. I'm going to try to put myself in the shoes of an unbeliever...not really, and not for long, just a mental exercise, to see what happens. What if I didn't believe? Might there be good things about it? Well, it would be nice to not know words like "sin"...Your moral code would simply be whatever you felt was important for self-preservation. Obey the law if you think you might otherwise get caught. And if you believe in not hurting people, that's admirable too. It might help your self-esteem. If you love, then you can let love rule. That includes having sex with everyone with whom you share a physical attraction, and I will admit to you, that sounds pretty damn appealing to me. Again, words like "fornication" and "adultery" would not be in the vocabulary, unless you wanted them to. And best of all (at least for me), the whole gay thing would be a complete non-issue, as it is for many, many people. (If you're reading me for the first time, let me tell you I live my life in such a way as to make it as much of a non-issue as possible, but I would be lying if I said I had 100% peace about it.)

In addition to all those great things about being an unbeliever, I would also point out.....................

Okay, I'm not really sure what I would also point out. No rules. Okay, great. I am my own boss. I can follow my heart wherever it leads me. The only problem is, the heart can be stupid and self-destructive. Oh, I've made so many crazy mistakes in my life, just because I was determined to do what I wanted to do. It's not easy making it up as you go along. If I could believe in something, it might give me a clue about what to do or where to go next. It feels like walking through a dark forest without a flashlight.

Everyone has had their share of demons; whether you would say real or metaphorical is up to you. One of the biggest, nastiest monsters in my life has always been loneliness. And you could say, "If God is always with you, how can you be lonely?" Because the flesh is weak. It points to the division between soul and spirit. Having God hasn't kept me from being lonely, but it's kept me from dying of loneliness. I wouldn't want to think there's no one out there greater than me, intimately interested in my thoughts, feelings, actions, desires, needs. I would not want to believe that I and the universe I live in are cosmic accidents, and the only help available is my fellow man, which--as you well know--is not the most reliable of creatures.

I wouldn't want to suffer the loss of a loved one, thinking that I would never see them again, that they would merely decompose and their life essence be forgotten over the decades as everyone they knew passed away as well. I would not want to believe that there was nothing after this life to look forward to, because it would make death such a terrifying, looming shadow in the distance, I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd feel like my whole life was a long fall down a tall building, just waiting for the crash at the bottom.

There have been accounts of people who say they have seen heaven and/or hell, and of course I don't expect any atheist friends to believe in those testimonies. To be honest, I am not sure that I believe some of them. But I would hate to not believe...and then be wrong. I would hate to play games with eternity. I would rather risk being delusional and taking false comfort from an imagined deity than to die and come to find out that I've rejected eternal life, and embraced eternal torment.

But most of all, if I was like you, I would be without the thing that matters most in my life, my one true love, the one who made me, the one who knew me from the foundation of the earth, the one who loves me unconditionally, the one who died and went to hell so that I wouldn't have to be separated from Him. My first and truest love. Always there, with me, always available to talk to. Friends go away, for a variety of reasons. You might just want to do that now, after reading my craziness. God is unshakable. No, I don't know why you would want to leave Him, for anything.