Welcome & Disclaimer

This is my new blog. It deals particularly with my spiritual walk. I am interested in sharing my personal thoughts about God and faith, and my personal experiences and testimonies with other Christians, as well as those of my friends who just might be interested in knowing about these things. I suppose some might feel it's self-absorbed or prideful to talk about these things, but my hope is that it will inspire mutual sharing with my readers. I know that we're not supposed to focus on ourselves but on God...But I think sometimes we need to help each other.

Now I feel that it is very important for me to state some things which could be called disclaimers. Although I go to a church, I don't claim to represent that congregation and everyone in it and all its views 100% of the time. I am an individual, and I have some of my own views, which may not match those of other Christians, including those reading this blog. I admit that some of my views may be wrong or contrary to Biblical teaching. We all err sometimes, and it is my ultimate goal to make sure that my views do align with what God says. If anyone believes that I am in error and wants to correct me, I only ask that you do so prayerfully, so that I may hear what God wants you to say to me, and not just your own viewpoint. I will do the same for you.

Although this is a Christian blog and I'm not likely to use swear words or anything like that, I want to caution parents that it is not meant for children. I'm 35, I don't have kids, and my issues and struggles are very grown up. I'm sure that most of you guys screen what they see on the computer anyway.

I think one of the reasons I want to do this blog is just as another means to connect with others. I tend to be a fairly shy person, not very outspoken, and sometimes I get lost in the crowd. Sometimes I don't share good and valuable things that I have to share because I feel too anxious or invisible. Well, rather than fretting about how I'm not enough a part of things, I figured I should utilize my skills, which pertain to the written word. I'm much more articulate that way, and probably more honest too.

So let me now tell you a little bit about me. Some already know this stuff, so they can skim. I was raised in a Christian family, and so even though you do have that moment of accountability where you accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, I have always been a believer. When I was quite young, I was in love with Jesus. I saw Him once in person, up in the clouds on a park bench where He met me...Now, this could be called a dream or a vision, but I tend to believe it was real. I'm not sure how easily I can convey in words what He said because He spoke to my heart, not so much words in my head.

My family went to Oregon City Assembly of God in the late 70's and early 80's. We stopped going for reasons that I can't quite remember. I believe it was something political. And for the next several years, our version of church was watching Jimmy Swaggart on TV on Sunday morning, and let me tell you that was torture! I have been warned not to speak against God's anointed ministers, but let me just say that there are some like Swaggart and John Hagee today whose ministries just clash very hard with my own spirit, and it's difficult to imagine learning from them. I don't doubt that they have helped many to be brought to the Lord, but as some people are allergic to certain foods which are greatly beneficial to others, I have a spiritual allergy to certain types of ministry. I could say more, but I won't.

In the late 90's I began to have a number of psychological and emotional problems, ranging from severe depression to anxiety and OCD. I sought help but at the time, not much was known about what I was going through. As a family, we decided that it was time to return to fellowship with other Christians. (I mean my mom and I did.) We decided to go to New Hope Community Church in Clackamas. It was kind of an arbitrary decision, influenced by that big glowing cross that you can see driving by on the freeway. It was like Christ Himself beckoning us. I joined the youth group and was pretty happy there, although I did not make the social connections I wanted. My mother was NOT happy because I think she just didn't feel like the adult services came "alive" for her. And I can testify to feeling the same way because I did attend a couple of them.

That was 1989, and the following year, we moved on to a different church, much smaller and more "charismatic" called Christian Life Church, and the pastor there helped me with a lot of the mental problems I was suffering from. But there was a limit to what he could do, so I started seeing a Christian counselor at Ring of Fire Ministries, and I saw her for a few months until she also decided that she could do no more. I saw a man who was in the field of deliverance, but he decided he could not perform deliverance on me, because I was unwilling to make certain changes in my life at that point in time. I was still in high school. He didn't even want me to listen to Christian rock. Later, we switched churches again to Harvest Christian Center, which also was very small and "charismatic". (I don't mean to say, by putting that word in quotes, that I don't believe in the gifts of the Spirit; I guess I don't know why I'm putting it in quotes except to point out that it's a label.) I tried to receive counseling from the pastor there, and had a horrendous experience, and from that point, I was done with church...until 2009.

During those interim years, I drifted away, not from the faith, but from any attempt at obedience. I still believed in God, still prayed every day, still talked to God like my best friend, and indeed, He was. But I was not following Him. Last fall, I reached another crisis point, and I realized--as in 1989--that the only solution was to draw closer to Him by reading His word and by seeking out fellowship. My experiences at New Hope, twenty years later, would lead me to the group I'm now a part of, Won By One.

What about all those problems I had in high school? Well, they have come and gone over the years. I have had times in my life where I was mostly free from them, but now is not one such time. Depression, anxiety, mental confusion, OCD, paranoid delusions, and addictive & self-destructive behaviors are all things that I've been struggling with. I know without a doubt that Jesus is the answer for these issues, but I just don't know exactly what that looks like. I believe in divine healing, but I've not witnessed it and my faith in that area is weak.

But strangely, more than those issues, I am focused on trying to be a part of this body, and contribute as best I can. This blog is called Love One Another because that is what I want to do here and now with this group, share God's love and be there for anyone who needs help. Yes, if anyone has a need and thinks that I may be of service, please contact me. I invite everyone to share their thoughts and leave comments or ask questions. Please let's not argue though. Remember the title of this blog, which is one of the last commandments that Christ gave before dying on the cross. This blog is about my personal journey, but I don't want to take this journey alone. I hope to find out I have some things in common with a few folks; right now it doesn't seem so. For instance, everyone is married with kids. There are things about my life and who I am that are so different from what's considered "good, normal Christian", and that's one of the reasons I've resisted church for so long. Will I fit in? You say "Of course!" and open your arms, but realize I've never really fit in anywhere (except maybe Theatre) and people try to receive me but ultimately find it tough. Or maybe it's just me and my insecurity. One of my personal goals is to write a Christmas play (it's sort of been commissioned by my dad), and I hope to bring some other people in on it, and see if we might find a venue to perform it. I welcome ideas.

Well, that's enough for now, I guess. I don't even know if anyone will read this. Love and prayers for all who do!