Have a little faith

Well, it has been a long time since I have written here. I entered a dark period after FOREVER PLAID...I knew I would. Maybe that's why it happened, too much negative thinking. I knew that it's always been difficult after a show, difficult to let go. So I find myself trying to keep in touch with everybody, as if I have enough in common with them to be buddies. I'm nearly twice their age, for goodness sake. Of course I always feel best hanging out with younger people, but that's my problem. My other problem is that I have always relied on projects to motivate people to associate with me, so I don't know how to socialize if I don't have a project to pitch.

A lot has changed in the spiritual realm since last I wrote. I quit going to the church I was going to. I got tired of worrying about whether they'd accept me because of my homosexuality. I convinced myself that they had rejected me, but I am not at all sure that's true. I don't even know who knew and who didn't. I never had the courage to even test those waters. I only sent out emails asking if they want to get coffee, and they were not responded to. So automatically, I assume they rejected me. There could be a million other reasons why, but I don't have the strength to sort it out.

So now I'm going to another church in Portland, and it isn't such a problem cos there's not really anybody there in my demographic to socialize with, so when I'm there, I just focus on God, and that's what it should be like anyway. They are a very different type of church...still Pentecostal (or charismatic, whichever you choose) but even more so than the other one. I'm learning a lot about the mountain moving power of faith, but progress is somewhat slow and I'm not yet that practiced in its application.

On a positive note, my proposed project for CoHo Productions, an original work called Between Heaven & Earth, is a finalist for their consideration to put on during their next season. We get interviewed in the next couple weeks, and basically I feel that if I do well smooth-talking in that interview, I should be doing a show for CoHo next season!!!!!!!!! This is so great cos they are one of the most prestigious companies in Portland, and it can really advance my directing career.

On a not-so-positive note, I have not yet secured the funding for my production of EQUUS, which was gonna be this spring, but now it may be postponed until I can raise some dough. I'm looking at mainstage maybe in August, but that costs more than a late-night slot (which was my original plan)...anyone want to make a donation to a new, upcoming theatre company?

And that reminds me, I need a name for my company. Two ideas come from songs: "Flavour of Night" (Robyn Hitchcock) and "Book of Dreams" (Suzanne Vega). Can I do that? I also thought of David & Jon, cos I love the whole thing about the relationship between David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. Water-2-Wine was another, but there's actually a wine company named that. Awestruck was a name I was gonna use like 10,000 years ago, doesn't thrill me so much anymore. Flyboy is another, inspired by my current favorite song, "Sleeps with Butterflies" by Tori Amos, the last line of which says, "So go on and fly, boy."

This week it's just me and Dad here at the house. And Dad has rehearsals at night. I want to entertain friends, but it has been hard to get people to come by. I live a long ways away from most people. I fancy myself a great dinner party host. Do you think there will be parties in Heaven? I hope so..................