Now in the open

Many months ago, I heard from the Lord, and He told me that I had been hiding in the background, like someone who doesn't want to be noticed, whose gifts and abilities can't be utilized because doing for God requires boldness and freedom from fear. Well, at the time, I didn't really understand. I've almost always been open about my faith, not a "closet Christian". But recent events have showed me that I was not as open as I had believed I was.

I've always found it easier to make friends with unbelievers. I guess to start with, it was because for much of my childhood and teen years, then later my entire early adulthood, I didn't go to church. Add to that being gay and also being in the theatre community which is composed of 98% liberal humanists, it just makes sense that I wouldn't cross paths with that many other Christians. And I liked the open-mindedness of these artistic types. I liked not being judged for anything. And let's face it, Jesus Himself said that people are not to judge one another. But many Christians conveniently forget this.

But the Bible speaks of an end times apostasy that will take place, where more and more people will reject Christ utterly...And sometimes I look around and it seems like it's already begun. It's safer today to say that you're gay than to say you're a Christian. More people hate Christians than gays, at least in my circles. And to a certain extent, I almost can't blame the haters; it seems like it might be the Christians' fault for all their politicizing, for dividing America on issues like gay marriage and abortion. There is a growing hostility, a backlash that I feel now which I've not felt before. If you read the New Testament, it's full of warnings for the followers of Christ, warnings about rejections and persecutions. I always thought, "Well, that was back then in the early days of the faith", and it was, but I never thought it was a word for now. But it is. Persecution is here, it is coming, it is getting worse.

So here I am, a guy who always had trouble making friends, feeling incredibly lucky for the friends that I do have (I should not say lucky, I should say blessed), and I don't want to lose any of them because of my faith. In addition to this, I have wanted to be part of the theatre community in Portland for a long time, someone who is respected for his work and how he gets along with others. But like I said, by and large, the theatre community accepts spiritualism, but not so much "organized religion". So what do I do? Do I keep my mouth shut about my faith?

A couple years ago, my dad, who has worked yearly in the Grotto's Festival of Lights Christmas play, asked me if I could write my own Christmas script because he didn't like the ones they used at the Grotto. His hope was that they might decide to use mine instead. Well, they didn't. I was disappointed, but I decided to use those lemons to make lemonade and flesh out my idea into a full length Christmas script, one that would hopefully honor the Lord and remind people what the holiday is all about.

Recently I was presented with an opportunity to produce this play, and I am in that process now. But it has been a very strange experience for me. I have found that talking about it with others, posting audition notices, and trying to recruit friends to be involved has been emotionally difficult for me. I feel exposed, very self conscious, and insecure because I think that people are going to label me as a "Jesus Freak". I worry that people won't want to work with me because I'm "one of those people". Now I understand what it meant that I was "hiding". And what it means to step up.

I do not preach to my friends, or anyone else for that matter. Belief in God is the most personal choice you can make, and nobody can make that choice for you. Would I like my friends to know Jesus? Of course. It's like wanting your friends to eat healthy and exercise, to keep growing, to be successful. You want what's best for your friends. But you never push, and you never judge. You accept people as they are and don't criticize. And I can only hope that people will afford me the same courtesy. I may not think or believe like you, but I still like you, and hope you feel the same way in return. I am a Christian...but I'm also kind of a cool guy.