It says somewhere that God is no respecter of persons. And God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him should be saved. I think most people believe that God loves everyone equally. Of course, those who choose not to receive Him, He seems ready to cast into darkness forever. If people are in hell now, does God still love them, or was that love extinguished when they died after not receiving the atoning sacrifice of His Son? Love gives us free will, the very same free will that can destroy us.
I was having lunch with a friend one day who had trouble with the notion of a "gay Christian". Yes, most people do. A Christian will say, "How can you call yourself Christian and do something that the Bible is so clearly against?" They don't understand the complexity of how sexuality is wired indelibly to a person's identity. But my friend on that day, was a gay guy who was not a Christian (most aren't) and he said, "Don't all Christians hate us?" Of course the answer is no, but how can I explain it to him?
As an artist (writer, director, producer, etc.), I've always believed in the importance of holding nothing back, just expressing whatever is on the heart and mind, even if that expression, by its very nature, is filled with sex, bad language, violence, etc. After all, this is the world we live in. We don't live in Heaven, at least not yet.
But as a Christian, I've also wanted to serve God with my work. I've also wanted to see His hand of blessing on my work. But I've been told that this wasn't possible because there were things there that went against His will and truth. Mysterious Skin focused on gay characters, also had nudity and a graphic rape scene. (I didn't write this, but directed it.) Costa Rehab had tons of bad language and even pornographic displays. Most recently, I've been producing my own work, What Connects Us, which is something I wrote years ago and is all about growing up gay and Christian, dealing with unrequited love for your straight friend, etc. And my lead actor (who is a Christian) strung me along for months, saying that he wanted to do the show, then copped out of rehearsals, claiming work conflicts, and finally at the 11th hour, quit the show because he was having moral conflicts.
So have I been wrong all this time? Has God withheld blessing from me because of content? Or because I'm gay? I overheard a local church broadcast a few weeks ago, and a man was up front, giving kind of a post-election diatribe about how terrible it was that gay marriage has passed in so many states, and how Christians need to carefully plan how they're gonna dodge that bullet in Oregon. He cited what's happening in Uganda, where they're trying to pass a law that will imprison gays for life. You know, to inspire us, to see what Christians can accomplish if they put their minds and prayers to it.
Most people who know me realize that I am not an activist, nor to do I claim to have the answers about the age-old question of faith and homosexuality. I would never encourage someone to be or not be gay, partly because I don't truly believe it's a choice anyway, but also because I wouldn't want to be held accountable if I'm wrong. So I just try to live my life day by day, and ask God to help me to be what He wants me to be, even if that person is heterosexual.
But sometimes it feels like the world is against me. I'm too Christian for my secular friends, and too gay for my Christian brothers and sisters, and where does God fit in all this? Where do I fit in God? I try to ask these questions in my art, but oh no, there might be a dirty word.
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